Boy Wonder, my sons father, has always been socially awkward and a bit ‘peculiar’ when it comes to buying gifts. I put it down to his upbringing. He told me he grew up with one of those families that ‘don’t do birthdays, Christmas or any celebration, just the occasional ‘tasty treat’ (while rubbing hands with glee).
To top it all, the family don’t drink alcohol, which in itself is fine (everyone to their own), but his mother would proffer ‘Appletise’ and fizzy raspberry water at the dinner table saying, ‘Red or white wine?’.
You can’t fool me with that non-alcoholic rubbish!
‘Mrs Boy Wonder’ was a lovely lady and she had a remarkable fixation with microwave cooking, baking Betty Crocker packet mix ‘tasty treats’ and buying gadgets that do two or more jobs rather than its original purpose. From what I could see she had never cooked a meal unless it was created in a microwave. I have visions of ‘Mrs Boy Wonder’ nuking the family meals in five minutes flat, knocking back her Appletise, and in giddy excitement spending the rest of the evening rearranging her Dymo labelled Tupperware while her 3 iRobot Roomba 500 Series cleaned the floor.
Anyway, while we were dating (that’s me and Boy Wonder, not me and his mother) I celebrated Valentine’s Day. I say ‘I celebrated’ because I purchased new lingerie, tarted myself up and spent hours looking for the perfect present and card for him.
Unlike my attempts to be romantic, Boy Wonder bought me a slinky, some stickers that smelt of pizza and forgot dinner. Romantic.
Yes, I repeat, it was a slinky and pizza stickers that look like this………….
‘Slinky Gate’ I call it. That day I knew we were finished. Then I found out I was pregnant. We split and Boy Wonder is now a father to a little eight month old boy, my son.
Boy Wonder is completely out of his comfort zone being a dad, but he does buy his son some fantastic gifts. I’ve Instagramed them here in an attempt to make them look appealing. I do suspect, however, that most are ‘last minute’ acquisitions.
Trip to Thailand (definitely Bangkok Airport)
- Thai nail clippers, just what every 6 month old baby needs.
- Thai elephant snow globe, complete with severed trunk.
Trip to India: (Terminus unknown)
- Taj Mahal snow globe, minus glittery snow, water or even the plastic casing. (Boy Wonder smashed it in his suitcase).
- Sparkly sari with glitter attached by ‘Indian spit’. You may have seen the shimmering dust storm in Sydney when it was taken out of my washer?
Here is my son in complete awe of the razor-sharp snow globe in his glittery onesie that was washed with the sari.
I’m not being ungrateful at all and Boy Wonder is not short of cash; of course it helps when you have a family that doesn’t drink alcohol. In conclusion I suspect Boy Wonders emotional/social cells were probably damaged with all the childhood microwave radiation he received from his mother’s cooking.
Anyway, my son can’t wait for his dads next overseas trip….careful son, don’t cut yourself….